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Romcoms would have you believe that sex is all cuddles and crisp white bed sheets and intimate climaxes over and over again as you make sweet passionate love from dusk til dawn. Porn on the other hand will fill your head with huge genitalia, wild screams and plenty of dress-up. Both are pretty wide of the mark.

Here’s the 21 unsexiest things about it.

1. The smell. That smell. We all know the one. The unique combination of semen, lady juice and sweat. Lovely

2. Removing socks. Hey, let me just hopelessly try to hop around naked while I pull a sock printed with Homer Simpson off my foot.The unsexiness on this one is increased when it’s the first time with someone and your sock choice was particularly skew whiff that day.

3. Fanny farts. Nothing more needs to be said.

4. Real farts that slip out when you least expect them with the timing of a bad comedian (and the etiquette).

5. Getting sex cramp in your leg. Feeling like someone may have slipped a dagger into your thigh and try to soldier on as though the bliss that is sex overrides all pain.

6. Getting semen in inconvenient places, it could be your eye, up your nose or on the photo of your Grandma that stands judgementally by the side of your bed.

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