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Here are 14 things that goes through a woman’s mind when going down on a man.

1. Oh my god I hope he washes it. It doesn’t smell like it’s been washed. Why am I doing this after he spent three hours prancing around the dance floor like a wannabe superhero.

2. If he thinks it’s going to be possible to deep throat him with that, he can think again. Poor guy, I’ll just pretend to gag.

 3. He’d better give me a warning.  The last thing I need is whizz in my hair – apparently it’s a good moisturiser but not hair product.  Too crispy.

 4. Penises are so ugly, why did women get the short straw.  It’s just there, waving and winking at me.

 5. Put your hands on the back of my head, thrust, grab my hair, moan  – get involved somehow!!  I know how to give but unfortunately you don’t really know how to receive.  Silent blowies are the worst.

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