Okay, let’s get things straight. It’s safe to say that, as men, we don’t really know what we’re doing when going down on women. Most of the time we’re unsure whether what we’re doing is correct or if they’re just pretending to enjoy it. So lads, we present you with 14 things men think when their head is between a female’s thighs.
1) I should have looked up “clitoris” on Wikipedia before this whole thing started.
2) Is she still watching TV? I can’t tell if her eyes are closed or if she’s still watching X Factor… Wait, is she looking at me? No, her eyes are closed. Are they? Yeah. Wait, no? What?
3) Does she want me to touch her boobs? I think I can reach her boobs from here. Nope, I can’t. I’m just kind of awkwardly clawing at her rib cage. Abort.
4) Oh, f**k. I have to cough. Will she notice if I cough directly into her vagina? No, don’t run the risk. Suppress it.
5) For God’s sake, she did want me to touch her boobs. Now she’s touching her own boobs. Wait, this is awesome. STOP STARING AND KEEP GOING.
14 Things Blokes Think When Going Down On Women continues on the next page…